Enjoy Kevin’s Daily Musing Through The Mindset Engine Blog

What are you called to do?

What is your purpose?

What difference are you committed to making?

I do not believe we exist for the simple purpose of living our lives and making money so we can have things.

As a human being and as a spirit being, I fully believe we have a purpose—a reason to be here.

From a spiritual and faith tradition standpoint, I know that we exist to offer praise to an Almighty God. We are to reflect His goodness in every action and every deed.

But from a personal level, one-to-another, what are you about? Why are you here?

This past year has had its share of bumps, curveballs, and challenges. All of which have given me reason to stop and ponder, “Am I doing what I am called to do?”

Professionally, personally, spiritually – am I just existing and going through the motions or am I living on purpose and with intentionality to make sure this earth is better because I contributed?

The truth is no. For a season, I had allowed myself to be lulled into a state of simply going along. I was not focused and had fallen into the trap of thinking, “as soon as…” or “after XYZ happens, THEN I will…”

No more.

About 3 years ago, I went through a process of assessing key areas of my life, how I wanted to live and be, and what needed to change. It was one of the most powerful seasons I can remember.

The challenge is that I failed to maintain the process. I put it on autopilot and that does not work.

Today, I will live life on purpose. I will live beyond my challenges and will commit to take back my tomorrow.

This world needs you—it needs me—to show up and provide light, hope, compassion, and love. In all the darkness, it is up to us.

There is no cavalry. No one is coming to “fix” things. It is up to us.

Sorry I took a little break there. I am looking forward to seeing the incredible things you are going to accomplish.

Since I posted about this health journey at all, it would be irresponsible of me not to include the parts that are far less inspiring. So here goes—I think there is a lot here too btw.

The past few nights have been pretty hard. Dealing with the discomfort of a body healing, way more retaining fluid than I thought possible, and new senses in feelings in ways that make me ask, “Is this the new normal or just the healing normal?”

“Is this what I am going to feel like from now on?”

That question is a dangerous one and a disingenuous one.

What I am not-so-secretively asking is, “am I in control, and will I ever get back to where I do what I want, how I want and feel the way I want?”

OR “Will I always feel…. sick?”

I began sharing with you that this journey was not about me. It is about what is in this journey for me to learn, to share, to re-invest in someone else in the future.

I began offering praise for the process, the road, and yes even for the discovery.

But how does that all shake out when exhausted, sleepless, and worried if I am going to have to live with this (like this) for the rest of my life?

Honestly? Exactly like normal daily life. (Probably just more dramatic.)

It is super easy to have my usual pity party and say, “SEE!? I could have done this except for that!” or, “If THAT THING had not happened, then I would be here or I would be there!”

That is a lie, straight out of the pit, and it smells like smoke.

It would be quite easy for me to wear the “blessed” card if everything was going the way I wanted it to.

On a higher level of insight and evaluation, it is.

Just over five days ago to the hour, I rolled into the recovery room of a significant post-cancer procedure and have been flying past successful checkpoint after checkpoint.

But there I sat last night, in the middle of the night, not quite able to get nuzzled down into that comfy pre-issue mindless comfort that made me feel like I was in control.

I was no more in control then than I used to be.

The secret is…I am far more aware of my place in this universe than I was before. And therein lies the gold.

Is everything wonderful and I should I be sitting over here praising God and basking the glory of healing? Probably. But I sure do not feel like it right at this moment.

And the answer right at this moment is to respond with thankfulness, gratefulness, gratitude, and even when you may not “feel” like it, praise Him anyway.

The Lord God of Heaven is Righteous to Heal. Righteous to Save, and Worthy of everything and so much more than I can speak.

Do I feel godly in this moment, not on your life?

But I am probably closer to Him in this vulnerability than on any best “normal” day.

Whatever you are going through, no matter if you are a person of faith or not, give thanks. Find a moment of promise.

Be grateful.

Love others.

Give yourself some slack.

I am healing…and for that, I am most thankful.

-KB

Before I hop into today’s tale, I have to share this response to several messages:

I don’t know why. I’m just supposed to share my mental and spiritual journey in the fight.

It is clear that someone needs to hear this journey. If it is you, I pray this helps you today.

– – –

The miracle of the human body amazes me.

The last six nights have been a mix of relatively easy and really rough. Now that might have something to do with pain meds and trying to ween, but it also has to do with time.

Some things just take time.

Since we live in a microwave / Instapot / drive thru world, we often forget that those deep things take time.

But I find this interesting:

Some things…make deep things…happen faster. (Read that again)

Take sleep for example. Last night was the first full night back in my own bed. I tried a bit the night before, but it simply was not time yet.

On the surface, sleep is just breathing while relaxing your body, and letting your body recover from the day before. But there are thousands — if not millions — of actions happening that are not just recharging me, but literally rebuilding me.

When we sleep, our bodies are being rebuilt.

This is no more obvious than when we are healing.

Last night I probably slept in 5 ninety-minute segments. AND IT WAS GREAT!!

A month ago, I would been dragging all day saying how poorly I slept and how tired I was today. Yet, now that my reality and my perspective is different, those 7.5 hours feel amazing.

Am I ready for them all at once? You bet!

But I am joyful and feeling way better today than over the past few days.

So, what is the takeaway?

Two things:

Perspective is the key — try not to focus on your momentary station. See yourself over a span of time and evaluate against yourself yesterday — not someone else, not your imaginary self, just you.

Things take time — some things cannot be rushed. Some things take secret miracles like sleep (or other means of rest).

The principal reminder for me today is that I am not in control.

I am in stewardship.

I am a steward of this life, this body, this existence. And what I do with it IS THE POINT.

Do I want to make a ton? Sure

Do I want to be successful? Sure.

Do I want to be back to “normal”? Yes!

But what I most want to do is make a difference. I want to DO THINGS THAT MATTER.

Without doing what matters, what’s the point?

Get Some Sleep.

Get Out of Your head.

Honor God.

Do What Matters.

Blessings,

KB